


dahlia

by kohee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Female Hange Zoë, Friendship, Gen, General, Hange Week, Hange's Squad - Freeform, Romance, Tumblr Prompt, levihan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-05 00:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15852924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kohee/pseuds/kohee
Summary: A collection of ficlets written for Hange Week 2018. Hange-centric and/or Levi/Hange.Day 1: Leadership (Levi/Hange)Day 2: Support (Levi/Hange)Day 3: Vision (Hange-centric, Levi/Hanji)Day 4: Hange's Squad (Hange-centric, very slight Levi/Hanji)Day 5: Bright (Hange-centric, Levi/Hanji)Day 6: Compassion/Cruelty (Hange-centric, Levi/Hanji)Day 7: Life (Free Day) (Hange-centric, Levi/Hanji)





	1. day 1: leadership

**Author's Note:**

> one-shot; _leadership_  
>  pairing: levi ackerman/hange zoë  
> word count: 1300 words  
> note: for Hange Week at @hangelab on tumblr. I’m a bit behind in the days, but this the prompt for Day 1: Leadership. Also, I am totally Levihan trash, so. Fic contains spoilers for Chapter 84.

This was going to be her first expedition as the 14th Commander of the Survey Corps.

Hange stared at herself in the mirror. Her hair, freshly washed and dried, hung around her shoulders, looking strangely sleek and foreign. She had forgotten the last time when she had clean hair. Grabbing a rubber band, she gathered her hair together, tying it up and twisting it into her usual ponytail. She didn’t know why she bothered washing her hair, or bathing, in general. After all, she was probably going to end up covered in sweat and blood. Besides, she had never, ever cared about how she looked, and cleanliness was one of the things that was at the very bottom of her list.

But she had woken up this morning with Erwin on her mind, remembering how Erwin was, as the Commander. He was always neat and tidy, uniform neatly pressed, boots polished and shiny, and not a hair out of place. Thinking of Erwin still made her heart hurt, even after all this time. On a day where she was to lead the Survey Corps to an expedition, in his stead and for the first time, she supposed that she should make an effort to emulate Erwin, at least physically.

Slipping on her googles, Hange deftly adjusted the strap, making sure it was comfortably tight, and then raked her fingers through her ponytail again, in an attempt to neaten it. She laced up her boots, and then her eyes rested on the bolo tie lying on her dresser.

Fingers shaking ever so slightly, Hange picked up her bolo tie, looking at it for a long moment as it laid against her palm. Taking a deep breath, she slipped it over her neck, and reached behind her to slip the leather strap under the collar of her shirt.

For some reason, her fingers and her coordination refused to cooperate, as she found herself fumbling with the collar. The mirror told her that her collar was a skewed mess, and her bolo tie was horrendously crooked.

Sighing, she tried to adjust it, and somehow ended up making it look worse. “Damnit,” she muttered under her breath. “If I can’t even put on a goddamn bolo tie properly…”

“Oi, shitty glasses.”

She swerved around to see Levi leaning against the door frame, arms crossed and with the ever-present scowl on his face. He was already fully dressed, gear and all.

“The whole fucking world is waiting for you, can you hurry the fuck up?” His eyes widened slightly as he focused on her, taking in her abnormally neat and _clean_ appearance. “Four-eyes…did you actually _bathe_?”

Shooting him a sideways glare, Hange chose to ignore his barb, directing her attention back to her bolo tie. She tugged at it, but the tie refused to cooperate – worst still, the leather strap was now somehow all knotted up.

“Tch.” Levi took a few steps forward, entering her room. Kicking a chair towards her, he then grabbed her upper arms and yanked her firmly downwards, seating her on the chair. Carefully, he untangled the tie, smoothing out the knots.

“Couldn’t do that while I was standing up, huh?” She couldn’t help smirking at him, watching his expression darkening in the mirror.

“Shut up, or I’ll fucking wring your neck with this,” he snapped, as his fingers nimbly folded down her the back of her collar, tucking the strap neatly under it. Moving closer to her, he kept his eyes on the mirror as he adjusted the commander’s ornamental clasp.

Hange wriggled a little as Levi took his time in compulsive-obsessively tweaking her tie, making sure the straps were even and straight on both sides. Finally, he nodded in satisfaction, leaning back and removing his hands. Neither of them missed the fact that his fingers lingered at her collarbones before pulling back.

“Now, can we go?” As he headed towards the door, he grabbed her jacket from where it hung, haphazardly in her wardrobe, tossing it towards her without a backward glance.

She caught it, but she made no move to put it on. Her fingers tightened on the fabric of her jacket. “Levi, I…”

“What is it, four eyes?” He asked, his voice tinged with annoyance as he turned around. As he looked at her, his expression shifted a little. “What is it?” he repeated, with only the slightest trace of irritation left.

She stared at him, hesitating. _I don’t know if I can do this, Levi. I’m leading…I’m leading a group of mostly inexperienced soldiers. They’ve never seen battle, never killed a Titan. And we’re going outside, beyond Wall Maria, for the first time in six years. I’m responsible for all of them, all of us. What if I make the wrong decisions on the field? What if I can’t protect everyone? What if…_

Shaking her head a little, she loosened her grip on her jacket, shaking it out and shrugging it on, , pasting an exuberant smile on her face. “Ahhh…lost my train of thought,” she laughed, tightening the belt of the jacket as she brushed past him, heading for the door. “We better get going, as you said, the whole fucking world is waiting…”

Fingers clamped themselves around her wrist, and she felt herself being pulled backwards, then swung around to face him. “For the last fucking time, what is it?” he said, for the third time, his hand tightening around hers as his grey eyes swept over her face.

Hange knew that she could tell him, of course she could, this was _Levi_ , but honestly, she didn’t quite know how to verbalise it. It wasn’t as if she had never led before, – she was a Squad Leader after all, and a damn good one at that - but this, this was different. She was supposed to be Erwin.

“I miss Erwin,” she said instead, and she wasn’t telling a lie.

He scruntinised her carefully, head tilted to one side, as her eyes met his calmly. He didn’t say anything for a long minute, and then huffing impatiently, he reached up slightly and rested his hand on the back of her head. Tangling his fingers in her ponytail, he dragged her downwards, and pressed a rough kiss against her mouth.

“Hange,” he said. “You may be the fucking craziest soldier I know, but at the same time, you’re equally fucking brilliant.”

She smiled at that, resting her hand against his face. “Is Captain Grumpy complimenting me?”

“Shut up, I’m not finished, shitty glasses,” He glared. “There were many reasons as to why Erwin picked you as his successor. Because of your skills. Your shitty brain that works in ways that no one could ever fucking comprehend. And because no one else but you, could fucking do what he did. The son of a bitch believed in you.”

He stroked the nape of her neck gently, his face softening slightly. “And I fucking believe in you. And I _know_ you will never let us down. It will not be possible.”

Hange let out a breath slowly, leaning down and pressing her forehead against his. As usual, she didn’t need words, she didn’t need to say anything. With just one look at her, he understood her insecurities, her doubts and her feelings, as he always had. “Thank you, Levi. I think I needed that.”

Levi kissed her again, and his kiss this time was softer, and slower. Pulling back after a long moment, he tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear, adjusted her bolo tie, and straightened the lapels of her jacket. “Now,” he said clearly, picking up her hand and pulling her towards the door. “Get out there, and fucking lead us.”

She laughed, her hand warm and secure in his. “Roger that, Captain.”


	2. day 2: support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one-shot; support  
> pairing: levi ackerman/hange zoë  
> word count: 2046 words  
> note: for Hange Week at @hangelab on tumblr. Prompt for Day 2: Support. I’m crap at writing action-related stuff relating to their gear…but I tried. Minor manga spoilers (equipment related).

The forest laid dark and silent, with only the occasional chirp of a bird or the howl of a wolf breaking the eerie tranquility. That, and the incessant grumbling of a certain Survey Corps captain.

“I cannot believe I let you fucking talk me into this,” Levi scowled, securing the belts and straps of his new gear. Despite the intensive amount of training they had on using it, it still felt a bit foreign, to have a gas cylinder secured to his back, and pistols in his hands.

Beside him, Hange laughed, as she performed her own weapon check, counting her bullets. “Come on,” she chirped. “You know you need the extra practice, Captain. You _did_ miss two targets during training today.”

Levi’s eyebrow twitched dangerously as he glared at the laughing scientist. “Shut your mouth, shitty glasses. _You_ missed three.”

“Now, now,” she said teasingly. “Is this the way you talk to your fellow Squad Leader?”

“Tch,” he snorted, carefully strapping his scabbards, with the blades sheathed within, to his thigh. He much preferred the blades; he was always more comfortable with knives and things that were sharp. Guns and pistols seemed so…clumsy, and there was no elegance in using them. But they wouldn’t be using the blades that night. Hange had insisted that they should get some target practice done, using the pistols and the new vertical maneuvering equipment.

Her words from earlier in the evening drummed in his head, when she was trying to persuade him to join her for a practice session. _We – all of us – are experts when it comes to the blades, but you know we need more training with the pistols._

Levi didn’t disagree with that – what he didn’t understand was, why it had to be at fucking one o’clock in the morning, and to make it even incomprehensible, she had dragged him outside, beyond Wall Maria, into the forests. He surveyed the hastily assembled training ground before them, numbered targets pinned to trees in a haphazard, uncoordinated pattern that probably only made sense to Hange.

“You do realise that if we meet a bunch of fucking Titans, we’ll be royally fucked and it will be all your fault?” He griped further, crouching low on the branch, pistols in hand. Shooting her a sideways glance, he immediately knew that it was the wrong thing to say.

Hange’s eyes lit up, and he fucking swore that they were sparkling; shit, _that_ look – pure, manic excitement – was written all over her face. “Really???” She squealed. “Do you think we’ll see any Titans? It’s night time – any moving Titan we see may very well be an Abnormal!”

Inwardly, he groaned to himself; great, this was just what he fucking needed, for her to go off searching for some fucking Titan safari. “Wait, four eyes, hold…” The rest of his words were lost as she braced herself on the branch, and with an ear-splitting _WOOO HOOOO_ , she leapt off the branch, hooking onto the next tree as she propelled forwards effortlessly.

“For fuck’s sake, Hange,” he growled, and as his own grappling hook attached itself to a nearby tree, he took off after his batshit insane companion.

 _BANG! BANG!_ She took out the first two targets, and then she performed a backflip, firing her hook backwards, where target three was before target two. Her pistol fired again, and unsurprisingly, it was right on target. “Come on, Levi!” she yelled, her voice high and thin, carried by the wind, as she launched herself towards the direction of her next target. “Don’t be such a slowpoke, shorty!”

Scowling and swinging through the empty space and air, he aimed at the first and second target. Firing the pistols on each of his hand, he hit them cleanly, and then he swung flawlessly around and hit the bullseye on the third target. Hange was in front of him, somersaulting as she flew towards the fourth target. There was no way in hell he was losing to her, she’d lord it over his fucking head for the next decade. He eyed the fourth target, he was a distance away, but he was sure he could shoot it from where he was.

 _BANG_! Hange’s head whipped back towards his direction as his bullet found its target, her own aim faltering for a fraction of a second. Smirking, he whizzed past her, as she yelled indignantly. “Oh _sure_ , show off your superior and perfect eyesight!”

As he took out the next two targets, Hange swung and leapt above him, trying to gain an upper hand in speed, which, in itself, was a rather impossible mission. Levi was _the_ fastest in the Survey Corps, this was a known fact. But adrenaline seemed to be giving her an edge, and she was neck to neck with him, as they careened through the forest, taking out all the practice targets.

As the final target loomed, Levi took careful aim, and fired. A split second before he did, he heard her gun sounded, as he watched, her bullet embedded itself in the middle of a target, just a split second before his did.

“ _YEEEESSSSSSSSS!_ ” She cheered, whooping as she waved her pistols in victory. Scowling, he shot his grappling hook to a nearby tree and swung himself upwards, landing on the broad bough, panting. Laughing victoriously, she somersaulted twice in the air, as he glared at her, arms folded.

“Fine, you won!” He yelled. “Now can we go back? I need some fucking sleep!”

“But, Levi!” She cried. “We haven’t even seen a Titan yet!”

“Does it look like I give a shit about Titans?”

Still laughing, Hange shot her grappling hooks towards the tree he was on. But she was so immersed with smirking victoriously at him that she didn’t notice her hook had tangled itself on a weak branch. As the branch broke, she lost her balance, but before she could regain it, her cable and hook tangled themselves in a mess of branches, pitching her forward. She then slammed face first into the tree, before dropping downwards.

“HANGE!” Levi yelled in horror, and jumped off the tree. He had to get her before she crashed headfirst into the ground. He _had to_ get to her. His grappling hook, secured to a tree bough, gave him a lot more velocity, and he caught her, a metre and a split second before she hit the ground.

They landed on the forest floor, her securely in his arms. “Hange!” he said, scrambling to his feet, looking over her frantically, his heart racing. “Fuck…Hange, are you…” his panic ebbed away a little as he heard her gave a little groan.

He literally thought he was going to collapse in fucking relief, as he grabbed her and hugged her close to him, breathing heavily. After a moment, he pushed her back, looking over her again anxiously. She didn’t look too injured, there were cuts and scrapes on her face, but her arms and legs seemed to be in their rightful positions.

Her eyelids fluttered open. “Did…did a Titan get me?” she murmured, putting a hand to her head.

Staring down at her, Levi felt annoyance gradually replacing his panic, though relief was still washing over him in waves. “No, shithead, a fucking tree got you,” he snapped.

“Oh, did it? Gee, death by a tree would be so embarrassing,” she winced, sitting up. “Imagine that, a Squad Leader of the Survey Corps - the most elite soldiers -, killed by a tree.” She shook her head a little, trying to clear it. “Ow.”

“Does your head hurt?” He asked, looking at her carefully.

“Not really, my face hurts more,” she said, grimacing as she touched her nose gingerly.

Levi snorted in laughter. “Yeah, no shit, you did faceplant onto a fucking tree, after all.” He helped her up to a sitting position, propped against the tree. “Can you try moving your arms and legs?” She nodded, and he watched her as she tested her arms, which seemed to be fine. She then moved her legs, and as she moved her right ankle, a flash of pain crossed her face.

“I think my right ankle is injured,” she said anxiously. “Oh shit, it had better just be a sprain, I can’t have a broken ankle, we have an expedition coming up, and we have spent _months_ planning for it, it couldn’t be delayed while I…”

“Stop blabbering, shitty glasses,” Levi cut her off irritably. “If you had fucking listened to me, you’d be sleeping or performing some shitty experiment right now, and you would have avoided fucking yourself up. Now shut up, and let me look at your ankle.” Carefully, he unlaced her boot, pulling her off and holding her ankle in his hands. He touched it lightly, pressing into it, and Hange bit her lip, wincing a little. He ran his hand over her ankle bone, and then he nodded. “It’s just a sprain. Nothing is broken.”

“Oh great, thank goodness,” she heaved a sigh of relief, as she braced her arms against the tree, trying to stand up. Sighing, he helped her up, slinging her arm around his shoulder, supporting her carefully.

She held onto him, testing her ankle gingerly, before something seemed to occur to her. She turned to him, a huge grin on her face. “Oh hey! I won!”

Levi stared at her incredulously. “Really? Because you really look like a fucking, limping loser right now.”

“Ooooh, grumpy pants is having a bad case of sour grapes,” she taunted, and then her grin faded into a grimace. “Ow, ow, give me a moment.” Sighing, she looked around her. “Boy, it’s going to be a long walk back to camp.”

“Can you still use your gear?” He asked her, his tone abrupt.

She checked her cylinders and gas gauges, nodding. “Well, yeah, they’re still operational.”

“Good,” he said, slipping his arm around her waist, pulling her to his side securely. “I need you to be my left arm. Now, hold on to me.”

“Wait,” she began. “What…?”

“We’re not going to fucking walk back to camp, not with your ankle all fucked up and with fucking Titans possibly lurking around,” he said impatiently. “Let’s just do this the fast way, all right, four eyes?”

“But…”

“If you dare to say you want to catch a fucking Titan, I’ll personally deliver you to one.”

“No, I mean…”

Levi let out a huff of impatience. “Look, all you need to do is to follow my lead. I have enough strength to hold you up, I just need your hook as extra support, because I’ve got one arm around you to make sure you don’t fucking fall off.”

She glanced him skeptically, before seemingly coming to her own conclusion. “Fine, if this was the only way.”

Looking down at her, he felt himself softening as he thought about how close she came to being seriously injured, or, for that matter, how close she came to death. “Don’t worry. I’ll be supporting you all the way. Just hold on to me.”

_Trust me, shitty glasses._

She nodded, and gripped his shoulder, as he tightened his hold around her waist. Taking a deep breath, he launched his first hook, and they both shot upwards. Immediately, Hange’s hook sank into another tree, and they moved forward easily. Levi followed up, the grappling hook digging into the bark of the next tree with a satisfying thunk. And on they flew, as it they had been doing it for their entire lives.  

“Woooooooo!” Hange whooped in his ear, evidently getting over her apprehension. “This is AWEEEEESOMEEEE!” She yelled happily as her hook caught another tree, and Levi easily swung them forward, whipping through the air.

“Stop shouting in my ear, shitty glasses, or I’ll drop you right now, I fucking swear,” Levi threatened, glaring at her.

She grinned at him, and then tucked her face against the side of his neck, brushing her lips softly against the skin there. “No, you won’t,” she said confidently.

Levi snorted derisively, but all the same, he pressed a quick kiss on her forehead, near her hairline, thanking his lucky stars that he had forced her to wash her hair yesterday.

She was fucking right, of course.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, it was supposed be a short 300 – 400 word drabble about Hange falling flat on her face, messing up her ankle, and Levi had to support/carry her to where ever they were going or returning to. And then I kinda just went on, and on…
> 
> Feedback will be loved and appreciated!
> 
>  **edit, 16/09/2018** : Made minor edits, because I just realised that Hange wasn't commander when they had the new gear. Oops, my bad. Brain was elsewhere.


	3. day 3: vision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one-shot; vision  
> pairing: hange zoë-centric, with a side of levi/hanji  
> word count: 1096 words  
> note: for Hange Week at @hangelab on tumblr. Prompt for Day 3: Vision.

Hange was five years old when she found herself squinting in order to see what the teacher had written on the blackboard. Her teacher had then sent her home with a note to her parents, and she remembered her mother, wringing her hands and talking in hushed, worried whispers to her father. Her mother was convinced that her daughter had contracted some horrible eye disease. Myopia never crossed her mind – after all, how could a _child_ of five developed near-sightedness?

Hange said nothing, but visited the doctor’s dutifully, although she knew exactly what was wrong with her. After careful and thorough examination, the doctor proclaimed that all she needed was a pair of glasses, and prescribed her a small pair, with round black frames.

Her mother was perplexed, but Hange was happy, skipping towards home, glad that things were no longer blurry. She supposed she should now stop reading books by her bedroom window in the middle of night (when her parents were asleep, and unable to scold her for not sleeping), and stop using the weak rays of the moon for light. She couldn’t use the candles, of course, as her mother would surely questioned the burned-down candles. Besides, she wasn’t allowed to touch matches.

She was a little sad, as she had planned to read a book about frogs that she had borrowed from the library that day. The librarian had tried to discourage her, suggesting a picture book with bright and colourful flowers, telling her that there were not a lot of pretty pictures in the book about frogs. Hange declined with all the politeness of a five-year-old, not telling her that it wasn’t pictures she wanted, it was the words.

She resumed her habit of reading by the moonlight in less than a week after she started wearing glasses. She couldn’t help it, there was too much to learn, too much to know. Her glasses grew thicker as she grew older, along with her curiosity about the complex and constricted world they lived. She read every single book that she was allowed to, and even sought out some of the illegal ones. Her glasses were now so thick and heavy that it kept slipping down her nose, so she fashioned a strap out of rubber bands, and tied it to the arm of her glasses, and strapped them secure around the back of her head.

Her glasses stayed with her as she went through life – losing her parents, joining military training once she became of age and proving herself to be so capable that no one could use her impaired vision as a reason for dismissing her from the military. Her hatred for the Titans fueled her, as she blazed through the grueling training regime, emerging as one of the best in her batch. She chose the Survey Corps without hesitation; she wanted to kill every single of the Titans, who took away everything she loved.

And her glasses were one of the vital things that kept her alive, as she flung herself from tree to tree, from rooftop to rooftop, cutting and slashing Titans into pieces. And when she started falling in love with Titan research, when she was driven by the desire to destroy them by understanding them, her glasses allowed her to study the bits and pieces of their skin, and the intricacy of the system that kept them alive, and the weaknesses that would allow humans to kill them.

Yes, Hange needed her glasses for a lot of things, for her vision, for objects, books and Titans. But there was one thing she didn’t need them for, and that was to see people.

The first time she met Erwin, she saw him clearly, and she knew that this was a man that she was going to trust her humanity with. She saw past Mike’s strange sniffing habits, seeing him for the brave, courageous and loyal soldier he was. Nanaba’s tough girl act didn’t fool her as well, for she saw her kindness and protectiveness towards the younger recruits. Moblit’s nerves and jitteriness around her didn’t hide the respect and dedication she knew he had for her.

Hange never saw Levi, Isabel and Furlan as common, unworthy thugs. It was strange how _blind_ everyone else was, she thought, and stranger still that it took her, who was actually almost half-blind, to see them as people, equal to her, and to everyone else. She didn’t need her glasses to see beyond Levi’s foul-mouthed, emotionless, obsessive-compulsive clean freak exterior, and to see the honourable, loyal and remarkable side of him. She saw all of that.

As Captain, Levi commanded respect, but he also commanded terror. His attitude deterred everyone else from getting close, everyone except her. Because she could see past his hostility and his coldness; sometimes, he needed someone, too. He needed a friend, a shoulder. She knew that he was close to Erwin, but perhaps she could be an extra friend, and provide an extra shoulder for him to lean on.

Levi started making use of her shoulder after a while, and coining special names for her – _shitty glasses, fucking four eyes_ , and so on, and so forth. She would just laugh, and started talking about Titans, and he would look exasperated, but he would almost always stay, and listened, albeit grudgingly. He ranted against her messiness and her forgetfulness when it came to eating, baths and hygiene, but he would be the one tidying her laboratory, bringing her food and knocking her out in order to get her clean.

And he was the only one who would ever complain, constantly, about her how dirty her glasses were. _Fucking hell, shitty glasses_ , he’d say. _How the fuck do you see through ten inches of dirt and grime?_ He would rip her glasses off her face, and spent minutes obsessively cleaning them before putting them back onto her face, drawing the straps behind her head. His fingers would always linger, and she would smile, and thanked him, and dragged him forwards to kiss him, on his forehead, his cheek or his mouth. He would growl at her, asking her to go brush her fucking teeth, but she would always see that little half smile on his face after she kissed him.

Hange didn’t need her glasses to see and understand what Levi felt for her, even if he never said a single word. Her vision didn’t need to be perfect to see right through his heart. It was easy, really, because she felt exactly the same way as he did.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up the stuff about Hange’s childhood because Isayama didn’t give her a backstory (yet, hopefully??) For the record, this started off as being Hange-centric with only Levi coming in at the last paragraph or last line. And then I started adding to it. What can I say, I am totes Levihan trash.


	4. day 4: hange's squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one-shot; hange's squad  
> pairing: hange zoë-centric, with a side of levi/hanji  
> word count: 1473 words  
> note: for Hange Week at @hangelab on tumblr. Prompt for Day 4: Hange’s Squad. I wrote this to be Hange through the eyes of her squad. Sort of.

  
 “It’s Squad Leader’s birthday tomorrow,” Lauda plopped down beside his comrades at their shared table in the mess hall, spooning a huge spoonful of porridge into his mouth. “We should prepare a present for her.”

“Squad Leader doesn’t like anything but Titans,” Keiji pointed out, taking a sip of something that looked suspiciously like alcohol. “So, if we want to get her something that she’ll really  _love,_  it’ll have to be a Titan. Preferably an Abnormal one.”

 Across from him, Moblit sputtered, choking on his mouthful of water once he heard the word  _Titan_. It was a word would give him instant nightmares of stress, bearing in mind the countless number of times he had to pulled Hange away from big, ugly, deformed fingers and snapping jaws with bits of rotten meat sticking to them. Shuddering, he looked at his bowl of porridge and pushed it away with a wince, losing his appetite.

“Gee, Keiji,” Nifa scoffed, stabbing at the last bit of meat on her plate. “You talked as if we could randomly pop into a shop, and picked one off the rack for Squad Leader.”

“At least I had an idea,” Keiji defended himself. “I don’t see any of you contributing ideas. Besides, we all know that nothing makes Squad Leader happier than Titans. That, or experiments. And we can’t buy experiments.”

“You’re seriously not suggesting we go out and catch one, are you?” Lauda shot him a glance. “Because as much as I respect Squad Leader, there’s no way in hell I’m going to do that.”

“Hmmm…when you think about it, it isn’t  _entirely_  impossible, I mean, we could go out at night and catch a small one…” Rashad pondered.

Nifa had the same thoughtful look on her face. “Just a small one, huh? “

Keiji lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “It isn’t as if we don’t know how to catch Titans. We had a pretty big hand in capturing all those Titans, after all. I mean, we  _could_  do it, after all, Squad Hange  _did_  capture Sonny.”

“Hey, yeah,” Abel leaned forward, tapping his spoon against his empty bowl. “It was all us, wasn’t it? Took down that ugly bastard…”

“You’re all crazy,” Moblit interjected, looking at them incredulously. He couldn’t believe that Hange’s craziness, recklessness and affinity for very bad ideas that involved trapping Titans were seemingly rubbing off some of her squad members. “Somehow, I don’t think finding out that half of her squad’s  _dead_  due to a Titan-catching stunt would make a very nice birthday present for Squad Leader Hange.”

“Fine, then  _you_  decide,” Nifa jabbed a finger at him. “Since you are probably the one what knows her best, anyway.”

Moblit sighed, running a hand through his hair. He knew that Keiji was right – there really was only one thing that would make Hange truly excited. But surely there were some decent substitutes that Hange would potentially be happy with, something that would not require them to risk their lives. Something that would show her how much the Squad respected her and appreciated her leadership. Something with a personal touch.

He looked up, and smiled, snapping his fingers. “We’ll bake her a birthday cake.”

* * *

It was common knowledge that Hange had a sweet tooth. Moblit noticed that she always had a bag of sweets in the first drawer of her laboratory worktable, amidst the mess of papers, notebooks, pens and scrunched up pieces of paper. He, along with everyone else in the Survey Corps, had heard Hange bugging Captain Levi for “something sweet” on more than one occasion, although no one ever found out whether she got what she wanted from the cranky captain.  It would be a safe bet to assume she never did, of course. It was hard to imagine Levi giving in to  _anyone_ , much less to someone he called ‘shitty glasses’ on a daily basis.

So, anyway, a birthday cake, personally baked by her squad members, seemed like the perfect, no-fuss gift. Surprisingly, Rashad turned out to be the one who had any kind of baking experience, so he took the lead. Everyone else took turn in the production line – cracking eggs, melting butter, measuring flour and sugar, mixing batter and so on.

“We should make it in the shape of a Titan,” Nifa said, whisking the eggs carefully with a fork.

“Seriously?” Abel made a face. “That’ll look disgusting and unappetizing.”

“Not to Squad Leader, probably,” Keiji pointed out, as he dumped cups of floor into the mixing bowl. “I can never really understand her obsession with those monsters.”

“Well,” Moblit began, stirring the butter carefully over the heat. “Squad Leader’s passion for Titan research is one of the keys to saving humanity. She might seem…overly obsessive, but I assure you, it was all to understand the Titans for the purpose of defeating them.”

“Oh, that I can see,” Keiji nodded. “We wouldn’t have gotten to where we are now if it was not for her research, but sometimes, her exuberance over Titans is a little scary.”

 “I was terrified when I found out she was to be my direct superior,” Lauda admitted. “I even tried to get myself reassigned, but Commander Erwin would not entertain my request. But after a while, I found that Squad Leader’s reputation isn’t exactly a true representation of who she is. She isn’t  _just_ about the Titans.”

“Oh, but I do think Squad Leader is completely and utterly insane,” Rashad said, his tone cheerful as he took the whisked eggs from Nifa, and folded the batter. “But at the same time, she is also the most brilliant and most strategic squad leader I have served under. And for that, I would trust her with my life.”

“She’s one of the most skilled soldiers in the Survey Crops. I am, for sure, a better soldier after joining her squad,” Abel affirmed. “And you know, I feel that Squad Leader genuinely do care about us. Underneath her…weirdness, she has a kind heart.”

“I agree,” Nifa spoke up, leaning back against the kitchen table. “I think all of us here knows that Squad Leader looks out for us, as we do for her.”

“She’s only reckless when it comes to herself; she would never endanger us,” Moblit pointed out, neatly omitting the fact that he endangered himself all the time because of her, because that was his choice, and not her orders. “She would always put the squad first, if she has a choice. That’s one of the reasons why I respect her.”

Rashad poured all the cake mixture into the baking tin, and put it into the brick oven, where a fire was roaring. “I think it’s a pity that most people cannot see Squad Leader the way we do.”

“Well then,” Nifa said. “It’s their loss, and our privilege.”

* * *

 

Hange’s squad stood in front of the door to her laboratory, with Moblit holding their slightly misshapen cake. “Can we just open the door, and yell “surprise!”?” Keiji suggested.

“No,” Nifa frowned. “She may be running experiments, and she will never forgive us if we shock her into ruining her work.”

Moblit began, “well, seeing how she didn’t need me, I doubt that Squad Leader was performing any experiments…” 

“Well, it’s settled then!” Rashad stepped forward and rapped on the door once, loudly. Pushing it opened, Hange’s squad all crowded in the doorway and sang out, “Happy birthday, Squad…”

Their greeting died on their lips as they took in the scene before them – Hange was sitting atop her worktable, hair dishevelled, shirt partially unbuttoned. A certain dark-haired captain was in front her, standing between her legs, with one hand under her shirt, his face buried in the crook of her neck.

“…Leader.” Moblit finished weakly, holding out the cake. “We…er…made you a cake.”

“Ohhh! You made me a cake? All of you?” Hange exclaimed, pushing Levi aside and hopping off the table, running towards her squad. All the men averted their eyes, as her shirt was still opened at the chest level. Hange barely noticed that little detail, as she happily took the cake from Mobilt and beamed at all of them. “That is so sweet of all of you!”

As Hange continued blabbering her thanks, all of Squad Hange did not miss the death aura emitting from one very annoyed captain.

“Squad Leader,” Moblit said hastily, interrupting Hange’s happy tirade. “We just want to wish you happy birthday, and we hope you will like the cake. But we will not disturb you further…we…err…have the kitchen to clean.”

The others all nodded quickly, as they all backed out of the door nervously. Hange waved at them, and as the door swung shut, they looked at each other, speechless. Keiji was the first to speak.

“We never saw that, and we will never speak of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little early for Hange’s birthday, but this is the plot bunny I came up with for the prompt. I initially didn’t want to include the squad member with googles, because he’s nameless, but then he was quite prominent in the anime as part of Hange’s squad. Goggles seemed to be what the fandom is calling him, so Goggles it is.  
> I think this is a bit all over the place, so I may come back to fix it up a little later. Or not.
> 
> *Update: I have been informed that Goggles’ real name is Abel, so, corrected! (Thanks Sneal :))


	5. day 5: bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one-shot; bright  
> pairing: hange zoë-centric, with a side of levi/hanji  
> word count: 1755 words  
> note: for Hange Week at @hangelab on tumblr. Prompt for Day 5: Bright. An interlude of somewhat based on latest episode of the anime (season 3, episode 7). Spoilers for that episode, obviously.

It wasn’t easy to trick Hange Zoë during a battle; she wasn’t Humanity’s Smartest Soldier for nothing.

But as the grappling hook shot towards her, Hange instantly knew that she had fallen for the enemy’s ruse. Instinctively, she moved, swinging herself out of the way, but she wasn’t fast enough. The hook, originally intended for her heart, struck clean through her right shoulder, through flesh, muscle and bone. A cry of pain escaped her, and before she could try to formulate her next step, Kenny Ackerman’s second-in-command jerked her cable backwards. and flung her towards the walls of the cavern.

She felt another wave of excruciating pain as the retracting hook seared through her injury, and then she felt herself careening through the air. As she smashed against the wall, she thought to herself, _perhaps, perhaps it’s now, perhaps it’s time._

Hange had always thought that if she had to die before her time, it would most certainly be in battle. After all, as a soldier, that would the best, and most honourable way to die. She had spent more than half her life fighting a war, it was fitting that she would end up dying in one.

She wasn’t afraid to die, never had been. She had given her life to the Survey Corps from the day and the minute she took her oath, and accepted death in return. It was all for humanity; to save humanity, to grant freedom to all the people, to break free and to live in a Titanless world, a world without walls and borders.

She could still remember the first time she went into battle, during her second scouting expedition. She was then only still a teenager, a teenager fuelled with hatred and anger for the Titans. It was these monsters that confined humanity within walls, it was all their doing. She didn’t feel any fear when she faced up to lumbering Titans with their bulging eyes and gapping mouths. She only felt pure, unadulterated loathing as she charged ahead, grappling hooks attaching themselves to the Titan’s legs and back as she hoisted herself up, her eyes focused on the back of the creature’s neck.

One slash was all it took, and even before the bright, warm blood that splattered against her right arm had begun to evaporate, she was already diving towards her next kill. And that had always been her approach towards the Titans, until that fateful day she kicked the head of one, and realised there was so much more that she didn’t know, that maybe knowledge was the main keys to freedom.

So, she started getting closer to them, both in battle and under experimental conditions. She knew people thought she was crazy for doing so, for endangering her life recklessly, time and again, but she didn’t care, because they didn’t understand.

There were no guarantees in life and in war, no guarantees in these times they were living in, especially for members of the Survey Corps. No one knew when they were supposed to die. It could happen any day, any time. Crushed by a Titan’s jaw, under a Titan’s feet, thrown against a tree or trampled by a horse. These were the risks she took, in every single moment of her life. She fought every battle – on-field, against the Titans, off-field, against politicians and funders - like it was the last battle she would ever fight.

She had killed so many, so so many Titans – killed them in combat, killed them in the name of research - that she fully expected her life to end in the hands of a Titan. Anticipated it, even. _Circle of life,_ she had thought. _It was supposed to be the circle of life. I killed them, and they will kill me._

 _This_ wasn’t what she wanted, not really. She would have died in battle, but in the hands of a human. A human, not a Titan. _How ironic_ , she thought fleetingly, _to spend my whole life fighting for humanity, and then to be killed by a human._

Hange really wished it had been a Titan.

As she felt herself falling, tumbling, the intensity of the illumination of the walls in the cave was blinding, as blinding as her pain. It was clouding all her senses; the brightness, the light, coming from all directions, coming from within the walls, was all that she could see.

She didn’t expect death to be so…bright. In her head, death was darkness. Darkness overcoming her, before it gradually swallowed her whole, before it claimed her for the after world. But she was falling, dying, and there was nothing but light around her.

As her body hit the ground, the brightness started to dim, and the darkness she had expected finally crept in.

She welcomed it.

* * *

Hange heard voices. Soft murmurs, she couldn’t tell what was being said, but they were definitely voices. She could hear hooves, too, and the neigh of horses. Either people in the afterworld rides horses in addition to speaking the same language as she did, she was probably still alive.

A jolt of pain went through her as whatever she was lying on – a wagon, probably – hit a small bump on the road. A small groan escaped her, and as her senses gradually returned to her, the pain at her right shoulder increased by tenfold. Grimacing, she lifted her left hand intuitively to touch it, only to feel someone else grabbing her hand, fingers closing around her wrist as he or she forced it down gently.

“Don’t move, and don’t touch your shoulder. Armin had just tended to it properly, and I had just bandaged it.”

“I’m not dead, am I?” She murmured. She was sure she wasn’t, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask. “If I’m dead, can you please bury my research with me after you made enough copies for someone to continue my work?”

A snort sounded from beside her. “No, you’re not fucking dead, shitty glasses. You’re very much alive, and still highly capable of annoying the shit out of me.”

She let out a little sigh of relief. “Ah. Good. I would’ve been so pissed off if I was dead because of a human.”

She heard another sarcastic snort, and then it was mostly quiet, save for the sounds of hooves and clattering wheels, and voices in the background. She forced her eyes open, but she didn’t have her glasses on, so all she saw was a blurry sort of darkness with a bright fuzzy orb in the middle of everything.

She then felt someone placed something on her face, and when the hands shifted away, she realised that it was her glasses. Everything then came into focus, the trees, the bright moon, and she turned her head slightly to see Levi crouching beside her, his face stoic. And then Hange remembered – they were still fighting when she fell, and and they had yet to rescue Eren. And where was Historia? Instinctively, she tried to sit up, only to be pushed back down by a very exasperated-looking captain.

“I said, don’t move, four eyes. You need to lie still for a while.”

“Where’s Eren? And Historia? Is the squad safe?”

“We’ve rescued Historia and the brat. Everyone is safe. You’re the only one who’s injured.”

“Awww, man, really?” Hange made a face. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad no one else is hurt, but this just makes me feel really lame.”

Levi looked at her, and let out a short bark of laughter. “Well, it would be even fucking lamer still if you had died.”

She lifted her good shoulder in a shrug. “Can’t argue with that.”

His eyes focused on a spot above her head, and suddenly, she noticed how tired and drained he looked. Which was really strange. They had fought so many bigger, bloodier, battles together, and she had never really seen him like this. He almost seemed…mentally exhausted.

“Hey…under the present circumstances, you really should be the one asking me this, but…are you okay?” She asked, her forehead creasing a little with concern.  

He was quiet for a long moment, and then he looked down towards her. “Back there…in that cave. I thought…” He paused, looking away, his jaw twitching slightly. “I thought…you’d…”

Hange stared at him in surprise. Levi didn’t often get emotional; in fact, he barely did. Facing death as often as he did – as all of them did – emotions were always bottled up and kept hidden. Emotions had no value, he’d said before. Death was part of the package deal that they had all signed up to.

“Eh, Levi…?”

He stared down at his hands as he continued talking. “But we were still fighting, and I couldn’t even go over to you, to see to you. And it was so fucking hard for me to leave you there, and not knowing whether you’d…” he broke off, seemingly unable to say the word _died_. “But I had to lead the squad, we had to continue fighting, I couldn’t...”

He exhaled sharply, and as his gaze landed upon her again, there was anger, frustration and regret in his eyes, and something else that she didn’t _quite_ know how to read. “I’m sorry, Hange.”

“Hey, now,” she said softly. “What the hell are you apologising for? We were fighting a war. There were bound to be injuries, casualties. You couldn’t look out for everyone. The war doesn’t stop just because someone had fallen. You, of all people, should know that better than anyone else.”

“But I fucking _left_ you there. And you could have just…and I would never have the chance…” Levi’s voice trailed off, but his unspoken words hung between them. _To say goodbye._

Hange felt her chest constricting a little. She would’ve hated it, too, if she had died without saying goodbye to him. Lifting her left hand, she rested it lightly on top of his, mustering small smile. “Well, it’s okay. I’m still here. You’ll have another chance.”

His head snapped up, and he shot her an ominous glare. “It’s too soon for you to even joke about that, shithead.”

She laughed weakly, fingers tapping on the back his hand briefly in reassurance. As she drew back her hand, he reached out, and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. Leaning down, he brushed her bangs back, and rested his hand on her cheek. “Just...try not to die on me, shitty glasses.”

Hange grinned at him, her smile as bright as the moon above them. “I’ll try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My fix it after WIT Studios decided to delete a bunch of stuff and feelings.


	6. day 6: compassion/cruelty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one-shot; compassion/cruelty  
> pairing: hange zoë-centric, with a side of levi/hanji  
> word count: 1720 words  
> note: for Hange Week at hangelab on tumblr. Prompt for Day 6: Compassion/Cruelty. Spoilers for manga (chapter 52 – 55) and the anime (season 3, episode 2).

It had not been a good day.

Scooping a handful of ice-cold water, Hange splashed it onto her face, rubbing her cheeks tiredly. As her hands slid down from her face, she stared at them. There were still traces of dried blood staining her fingers, and there was more blood, and skin, embedded under her fingernails. Gritting her teeth, she plunged her hands into the basin of water, scrubbing her fingers and hands, picking at her nails, trying her best to rid her hands of Del Sannes' blood.

Blood and dirt never used to bother her; after all, she had spent majority of her days covered in dirt, grime, Titan blood and other unmentionable fluids. It was part and parcel of being a soldier, and a scientist. But this, this was different.

She rubbed at her thumb furiously, watching as the last patch of dried blood disappeared under the water and her ministrations. She lifted her hands out of the water, examining them. They were clean now.

She stared down at the water, expecting to see the blood that she had washed off reflected in its depths, but the water was pristine and clean, almost mockingly so.  _The blood is still on your hands, you know,_ sounded a voice in her head. Her hands looked clean, but they didn't  _feel_  clean. They were not free of the blood that had stained them.

Cursing under her breath, Hange swept aside the basin of water, watching as it crashed onto the floor, water spilling everywhere, pooling on the floor. Her mind flashed back to that room in the basement.

 _A coagulating pool of blood on the floor, where it was still collecting fresh blood, dripping from Sannes' broken fingers._ She shut her eyes, but she could still see it; and bits and pieces of nails swimming in the blood. Her fingers clenched themselves into fists, as she thought to herself,  _admitted_ itto herself,  _I enjoyed that. I enjoyed hurting him, because he deserved it._

Every single moment she spent torturing Sannes; pulling out his nails, digging her own fingernails into the raw flesh, crushing his fingers…she had felt no remorse. There was only anger, pure anger, as well as satisfaction, as she remembered what Minister Nick had gone through. She wanted that for his torturers, she wanted to pay them back a hundred times over.

But at the same time, Sannes was a human being. And she had felt nothing for him; despite telling Levi she was starting to feel sorry for him, she didn't, not really. In fact, she had felt more, far more, for the Titans.

As much as Hange used to be someone that was filled with hatred and anger, she had never believed in or condoned the act of torture, because it was an act that she deemed vindictive and needless.

Therefore, she had always hated her necessary cruelty towards the Titans. It was one thing to kill them in battle, of course – it was clean cuts and slices, there was no torture involved. It was different under experimental conditions. She had done some truly terrible things towards the captured Titans, subjecting them to acid, to poison, to bombs. She had carved out various parts of their bodies, listening to their moans and screams, and trying to block it out. And she had apologized to them, every single time, because that was the way she felt that she could keep her humanity.

She had to subject her Titans to those endless cycles of pain, because it was something that had to be done. It was to save humanity, therefore, she had no choice. She could rationalise that cruelty, and live with it.

But now, this. There was no rationalisation. The extent of torture she and Levi had inflicted upon Sannes was not necessary. They –  _she_  – could have taken a step back. But she didn't, and she didn't want to. She wanted to inflict even more pain upon him, she wanted to carve out chunks of his flesh, like what she had done with the Titans. Only this would not be for research, it would serve no purpose other than subjecting Sannes to the worst kinds of pain imaginable.

"What have I become?" She whispered to herself. This wasn't who she was supposed to be, someone who actually relished in suffering of another human. But this world, as it was now, this war, was making her question everything she thought she knew, including her own humanity.

They were supposed to fight the Titans; only to realise now that Titans may be humans, and humans, those who lived among them, may turn out to be the real enemy.

Pulling down her glasses from the top of her head, she straightened her shoulders, and brushed back her wet bangs. There was neither time nor space for her to wallow, she thought. It was what it was.

* * *

Hange couldn't sleep.

She wandered through the hallways of the dilapidated castle that they were currently using as a base, heading for the room they were calling a kitchen. She needed a drink; she knew Moblit probably had a bottle or two stashed somewhere.

As she was about to take a corner, she paused. She was standing outside Levi's room. Biting her lip, she raised her hand, and knocked.

"Come in," Levi's low voice sounded, and she pushed opened the door, and took in the scene before her. He was sitting on the makeshift bed, holding a bloodied cloth. Another piece of cloth, also dotted with blood, laid crumpled beside him. He looked up as she entered the room. "What do you want, shitty glasses?"

She crossed the room, kneeling down beside him, and looked at his hand. His knuckles were all split and bleeding, and he was in the midst of cleaning the wounds. She raised an eyebrow. "I thought you wore gloves."

"The gloves were shitty," he answered off-handedly, as he tossed aside the bloodied cloth, and picked up a roll of bandages. They both knew the real reason, of course, that Levi had used so much force that the gloves did nothing to protect his hands. She could still see it in her mind; Sannes' face, a pulpy, bloody mess, his jaw broken and hanging slackly.

She shook her head a little, and then took the bandages from him. "Let me help you." He grunted his assent, and she picked up his right hand, surveying the damage he had done upon himself. Dark bruises covered his knuckles, and blood was still seeping from the broken skin. Sighing softly, she picked up one of the discarded cloths and dabbed at his wounds, soaking up more blood, pressing against them, applying pressure so the bleeding would lessen.

A small hiss escaped him, and she eased the pressure, just a little. "Did that hurt?" she asked, without looking up.

"No," he said flatly.

Unrolling the bandages, Hange carefully started winding it around Levi's hand, watching as the clean, white strips gradually covered the bruises and the split skin, hiding the evidence of his –  _their_  – cruelty. Binding the bandages tightly, she dropped his right hand, and picked up his left, repeating the same procedure.

As she cleaned his left hand slowly, carefully, she felt her throat catching inexplicably. So maybe she was still capable of compassion. Maybe she wasn't a complete monster, maybe she wasn't like  _them_.That was nice to know.

Pushing her thoughts away, she started bandaging his left hand, completing the task quickly. She didn't release his hand from hers when she finished; she continued holding it, running her thumb over his bandaged knuckles.

"Four eyes," he said. "We had to do it."

It was not surprising that he knew exactly what she was thinking, without needing her to say even a single word. He just  _knew_ , as he usually did. "Did we really?" she said tonelessly, as she dropped his hand from hers.

"Yes, because we needed him to fucking spit out the information, so that we can rescue Eren and Historia."

That was what she told herself, too. But was it really? Could she really justify her cruelty, just like that?

"I enjoyed it," she said, voicing it out for the first time. "I actually apologised to the  _Titans_ for hurting them, but Sannes, I wanted to torture him even more. I wanted to…"  _kill him_ , she finished the thought in her head.  _Kill him, so that I can fully avenge Minister Nick._

He exhaled, a huff of air escaping him. "Hange," he said. "Look at me." She raised her eyes to his, and he looked at her calmly, stoically. "It is what it is."

She remembered telling herself the same thing, as she was washing the blood off her hands.

"It's a war we're fighting. And we have to win, by any means necessary. If that means torturing a man, an enemy that had killed countless of people because of some fucking stupid ideology that no one even fucking understands, then so be it."

Dropping her gaze, Hange didn't respond. She understood what he was trying to say, but she still couldn't rid herself of her thoughts, at least not completely. She didn't want to lose herself.

"It makes you fucking human to feel vengeance. What's done is done. So just accept it, and keep going." His tone was even, matter-of-fact.

He was right, of course. In some ways, there was no other choice. She could hate this part of her, this cruelty within her, but she had to reconcile with it.

She drew in a breath. "Okay," she said. "Okay."

_But I still want to be me. Who I was. That's who I want to be. Hange Zoë._

"You did what you had to do. It doesn't fucking change who you are." He leaned down a little, and placed his hand on her cheek. "You're still shitty, and you still need a bath."

_You are still her._

She let out a laugh, feeling the warmth and comfort of his touch. Maybe Levi was right. Maybe this didn't change who she was. Maybe she was still who she thought she was. She closed her eyes, and swallowed hard, and rested her head gently on his lap.

"I've got you, four eyes," he said, combing his fingers through her hair. "You're all right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sides of compassion/cruelty for both Hanji and Levi - I hope the idea came through!


	7. day 7: life (free day)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one-shot; life  
> pairing: hange zoë-centric, with a side of levi/hanji  
> word count: 3280 words  
> note: for Hange Week at @hangelab on tumblr. Prompt for Day 7: Free Day, so I chose to write about snapshots of Hange’s life. I interpreted her as a child genius of some sorts, with a lot of headcanons, actually. Manga spoilers - beyond whatever's been shown so far in the anime. More notes at the end.

Hange was three years old when she discovered books.

Her first book was a picture book of animals. She recognised the dogs, the cats, the rabbits, the mice, but not the lions, tigers, wolves and bears. But what fascinated her more were the black squiggles – squiggles that, as her mother told her, were words.

“You must learn to read, Hange,” her mother said, running a fond hand over her tangled ponytail. “I will teach you how.”

She hung onto every lesson, every word, and she discovered that the beautiful, colourful pictures had nothing on nondescript black text known as words. It was the words that represented the magic in every book, on every page. It was the words that would teach her everything she wanted to know.

She realised from a very early age that she wasn’t like the other children. They reveled in playing games, but she didn’t like games very much; running, playing, shouting – why would she want to do all of that, when there were so many books to be read? She craved for it, the knowledge hidden between all the pages, and she wanted all of it.

As she grew older, she knew that her schoolmates (she couldn’t really call them friends), as well as most people she knew, thought she was strange. A little weird, a little funny. They found her enthusiasm for the things she didn’t know to be perplexing, and they thought her energy for those things was misplaced.

She was different from them, but she was all right with that.

* * *

Hange was seven years old when she started to fully understand the world she was living in.

It was a different world outside the Walls; a dangerous one. They had to remain within the walls, because the walls protected them – humanity – from monsters. Monsters known as Titans, monsters that were seemingly unable to die, monsters who consumed every single human being they came across.

She realised that they were caged; humanity was not free. Beyond the walls was a world that she would perhaps never know. For once, her books did not enlighten her. They could not explain the Titans, and they did not explain how the world came to be the way it was.

She resented the Titans, because these creatures had enslaved humanity, and stripped them of their freedom. She resented them because she could not understand them.

Hange did not want to remain trapped within these walls. Someday, she told herself, someday, she would go beyond these walls. She refused to be confined; there was too much that she didn’t know, and somehow, she would find out.

* * *

Hange was twelve years old when she read her first illegal book.

She found the book at an old bookstore when she was on one of her many book-hunting expeditions. The contents were nothing like what she had ever read before. It talked about vast bodies of water that stretched for miles and miles, called oceans, and how they came to be.

An _ocean_. Such a thing did not exist in the world she knew, and yet here it was, written and illustrated.

The shopkeeper paled when she approached the counter with the book, and told her that she must never, ever let anyone know where she found the book. And, for her sake, she should never let anyone else know of the existence of this book.

That, however, only increased her excitement and her curiosity. “Do you have any more of such books?”

He looked at her for a long moment, stroking his beard, and then he nodded. “But you must never speak of this,” he reiterated, and she promised.

* * *

Hange was sixteen years old when she lost her parents.

She first lost her father, to a long illness, and her mother, not too soon after. The doctors told her that her mother had suffered from a heart problem. She knew it well, the medical condition that the doctor had uttered, knew the causes, the risks, the medicines and everything that was associated with it.

But Hange also knew that the doctor was wrong, because she was sure that her mother had died from a broken heart. After her father died, her mother couldn’t find the strength to go on anymore. Her daughter wasn’t enough.

There were no tears left, as she looked down at the graves of her parents, as she had cried the last of them. She was all alone now, she thought, but she would be all right.

* * *

Hange was seventeen years old when she joined the military.

From the moment she entered the training camp, she already knew that she would choose the Survey Corps. She remembered the promise that she made to herself when she was seven, that one day, she would leave the confines of these walls, walls that had imprisoned her for all her life.

She excelled in training, her analytical brain and her superior intelligence helping her to grasp the mechanics of the omni-directional maneuvering gear far better, and much faster, as compared to her fellow cadets. She knew she had a wild streak in her, and that was an advantage when it came to figuring out different ways and means to make her gear work for her.

Her superiors cautioned her on her recklessness, but she had never been one to play by the rules. She needed to master the gear as soon as possible, she needed to be good enough for the Survey Corps.

Her resentment for the Titans had grown over the years; her rage towards them simmering, hating them for subjugating humanity into an existence devoid of freedom. Her hatred grew every time she saw the senior Survey Corps soldiers returning from expeditions with their numbers halved.

She wanted to leave the walls, and hunt them down. After a whole life of being the hunted, Hange was ready to become the hunter.

* * *

Hange was twenty years old when she went on her first expedition, and killed her first Titan.

She could barely begin to explain the exhilaration she felt when she rode out, breaking free of the walls, seeing beyond it for the first time in her life. She stared the trees and land stretching beyond her, the endless blue skies, and a laugh bubbled up within her. She wasn’t free, she knew – actual freedom for humanity was still so far away, but for now, for _this_ moment, she felt free.

The expedition had a mission to achieve, and that was to set up more supply points, and to go further in exploration. They were all on guard, because they knew that they would be ambushed without warning.

They were two hundred miles away from Wall Maria when the Titans appeared, coming out from trees and lumbering towards them. Hange felt her throat catch as she stared up at a seven-metre Titan. Immediately adhering by the shouted instructions of the squad leaders, she fell into formation, as expected of her position.

Leaping off her horse, she shot her grappling hook towards the ankle of the Titan, embedding it firmly. Using the leverage, she propelled herself upwards, bouncing off its hand as her hook next caught onto the Titan’s shoulder. She swung further in a graceful arch, pulling out her blades, her eyes focused on the weak spot behind the neck. She gritted her teeth, adrenaline pounding through her, and then, blades glinting, she slashed into its neck, and slashed again, blood spraying, splattering. The Titan howled, hands flying upward, as she efficiently dodged its clumsy grasp.

As the Titan fell, dead and evaporating, Hange swerved around to see another Titan picking up a soldier. The soldier struggled futilely, screaming, and as she watched in horror, half his body disappeared inside the Titan’s gaping mouth, and his scream was cut short.

Fury and hate burned through her, but even so, she knew that there was no time to grieve, no time to dwell. As she flew off in the aid of other squad members, she thought to herself, _one day, one day I will kill every single last one of you. I will defeat you_.

* * *

Hange was twenty-one years old when she kicked the head of a Titan.

They had slaughtered all of the Titans they came across – and it was one of their more successful battles, where their casualties were less than those of the Titans. As the soldiers collected their fallen, she came across the head of the last Titan who fell, a three-metre class. Staring at the slowly evaporating head, she scoffed, and kicked it vehemently.

The head was light and extremely so, as it rolled away – floated away almost. She stared after it, and as a slight sense of disbelief overcame her, she began to think.

What if…what if there was another way? Humans had fought Titans for so long, never differing much from their approach or tactics. What if all that was needed was another way? How much did humanity truly understand about the Titans?

That night, she saw Commander Shadis, and requested for all the research and information that was available on Titans. He granted her request, and she spent the next six days reading every single document, record, periodical, bits of paper, everything, her brain working furiously, compartmentalising all the information she had acquired.

When she met Commander Shadis again, three weeks after that initial meeting, she requested for a budget, for conducting Titan research. Shadis had stared at her uncomprehendingly, and then she had sat him down, and produced a sheaf of papers that was properly collated and ordered.

She had managed to convince him.

Two months later, her requested budget was approved, and the Survey Corps had its first ever Titan research scientist.

* * *

Hange was twenty-two years old when she met the person who would then become her best friend.

It wasn’t without trials and tribulations, however. After all, they didn’t get off to the greatest start. Levi Ackerman was a new recruit to the Survey Corps. The rumour was that he – and his two friends – were common thugs from the Underground, who was, for some reason, picked up by Squad Leader Erwin, and then placed in the Survey Crops. He was sullen, unfriendly and unapproachable, and she definitely didn’t think much of him the first time she saw him in the mess hall.

That was before she saw him in action, showing himself to be one of the most brilliant soldiers ever in using the omni-directional maneuvering gear, and taking down the training Titan within minutes. Immediately, she felt fascinated, curious. He was no ordinary person, and she was determined to get close to him.

He resisted, of course, rebuking all her friendly advances towards him and his friends, brushing her off whenever they came across each other. But, of course, Hange did not know the meaning of giving up, and she persisted.

Levi started to thaw after he lost Furlan and Isabel; perhaps he needed someone to replace them, she thought. But whatever his reasons were, they did grow closer. It was an unlikely friendship, she knew – the stoic, grumpy, obsessive-compulsive captain and the exuberant, eccentric, disheveled scientist.

But maybe it was because they were both abnormals. They were so different, but yet, somehow, they were also the same.

* * *

Hange was twenty-three years old when Wall Maria fell.

They defended Wall Maria until they could not defend it anymore, retreating behind Wall Rose. The Survey Corps and the Garrison lost more than half their soldiers. Humanity lost the battle that day.

Hange survived, and so did Levi. They were immediately given the positions of Squad Leader and Captain, and ordered to partake in retraining and rebuilding of the Survey Corps.

She picked her squad members: Moblit, Nifa, Keiji, Abel, Rashad and Lauda. They would turn out to be some of the most important people in her life, staying by her and fighting alongside her, until the day came that they couldn’t do it anymore.

* * *

Hange was twenty-seven years old when her best friend kissed her for the first time.

They returned from the expedition, exhausted and angry at each other. She knew that he was furious at her for her recklessness in almost getting Oluo killed, but she was beyond pissed that he had killed the Titan. They led their horses into the stable together in silence, securing the animals in their stables. She was the one who walked out first, brushing past him, her head held high.

She heard him muttering a string of curse words under his breath, and heard his footsteps falling behind her, as they both headed into the Survey Corps’ living quarters. She reached her room first, and upon entering it, she was planning to slam it shut, just to show him again, how utterly frustrated she was. That Titan was valuable. There was so much she could potentially find out from it.

But as she was about to bang her door shut, a booted foot snaked out, jamming her door. Opening the door again, she was about to yell at him, when he placed his hands on her shoulders, and shoved her backwards, closing the door behind them. She jerked away from him angrily, folding her arms and glaring at him.

“What do you want, Levi? Whatever the fuck it is, can’t it wait till tomorrow? I’m tired, and…”

“Shut the fuck up, shitty glasses.” He reached out, and grabbed her shoulders again, spinning her around and pinning her against the closed door.

“What the hell…” she began, but her words were cut off as he angled his head upwards, and pressed his mouth roughly against hers.

She had been kissed before, of course, but not by anyone particularly special. Curiosity had led her to experiment, and that was her approach to kissing and sex. She had never truly enjoyed any of her experimental partners; it was mostly just fine. Satisfactory. Pleasant, at times.

Never had she felt like this before, heat and lust blazing across her body as Levi bit down on her lower lip and tangled his tongue with hers. His hands were all twisted up in her messy ponytail, tugging at her hair sharply he explored the caverns of her mouth. She ran her hands down his back, down to his ass, pressing him closer to her as she fought him for dominance, sucking on his tongue.

He wedged his knee between her legs as he continued kissing her, his hands untangling them from her hair, moving to push her jacket off her shoulders. As her jacket dropped onto the floor, she returned the favour, slicking her tongue against his as she discarded his jacket as well.

They fumbled with the belts, the buckles and the loops, tugging impatiently at all the trappings of their uniforms, as their passion continued to build. She let out a whimper as Levi attached his mouth to her neck, licking and sucking, as his hand closed over her still-covered breast.

“Wait,” she said breathlessly, pushing him back a little. “Wait.”

He stopped, looking at her, his eyes dark with desire and lust, his lips swollen from their kisses. He didn’t say anything; he waited for her to speak.

“This,” she said, gesturing to their state of undress. “Is this…is this okay? Is this what you want?”

He stared at her in disbelief, and he let out a short bark of laughter. “Fuck yes, four eyes, this is what I want. Is this what you want?”

She grinned at him, closing her fingers around his cravat and pulling him closer to her, so that she could kiss him again.

* * *

Hange was twenty-eight years old when she realised that she was in love with her best friend.

It was supposed to be a friends-with-benefits relationship from the start. They were comfortable with each other, and the sex was mind-blowingly good, so they just took to sleeping together when they could. They were in no position to talk about commitment, not when they could die in any given moment. It was always only one day at a time, that was all they could afford in their world.

She certainly didn’t expect to fall in love; in fact, it was the _worst_ time to fall in love. Everything was in utter chaos, so much was happening, and yet, she couldn’t help feeling the way she did. Maybe she had always loved him. Fuck knew.

She kept it to herself, of course, and not because she feared rejection. She was pretty sure she knew how he felt about her; after all, she knew him better than anyone. But there was no need to say anything. Love had no place in the current times they were living in. There were much more important things than love, more urgent matters that had to come first before her feelings, and his feelings.

But then she lost Erwin and Moblit, lost them without telling them how much they meant to her. And then she thought to herself, sometimes, words could be important. Maybe words and feelings should not be disregarded, as obvious as they could seem to be.

Two weeks after they buried Erwin, she was curled up in the circle of his arms, her head tucked into the crock of his neck. She felt every rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, telling her that he was alive; they were still alive.

“Levi,” she said. “I love you.”

His arm tightened around her as he stroked her hair gently. “I know.”

“Do you really?” she whispered against his chest.

“Of course I fucking do, you idiot,” he snorted, pressing a kiss on the top of her head.

She waited, but nothing else came from him. “Okay,” she breathed, her eyes closing slowly. Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, she heard his voice.

“Hange,” he said. “I love you, too.”

She smiled, feeling his heartbeat beneath her palms. _I know._

* * *

Hange was thirty-two years old when, for the first time in her life, she wanted to give up.

She couldn’t fight this war anymore, she couldn’t make these decisions, she couldn’t be the Commander that Erwin would have wanted her to be. It was too hard, this was never who she was supposed to be.

She wasn’t that person.

But Levi would not let her give up. He would not let her fall. He would not let her break.

So she didn’t.

* * *

Hange was thirty-five years old when everything finally ended.

The war, the clashes, the conflicts, the Titans. There was a truce. A precarious one, perhaps, but a truce nonetheless. There would be no more fighting for now, no more blood to be spilled. For now, it was over.

She sat on the beach, hugging her knees to her chest, staring at the vast, blue ocean, the waters shimmering and sparkling under the sun.

Peace. What a strange notion. She had only known fighting for the last eighteen years of her life, and now, there was no need to fight anymore.

She looked at the man beside her, he who had survived everything with her, and had never once left her side. Scooting closer to him, she leaned her head against his shoulder, taking his hand in hers. He squeezed her hand gently, slinging an arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer to him.

“What do we do now?” She asked.

“We do whatever we fucking want,” he answered matter-of-factly.

She laughed, tilting her head upwards and catching his lips in a kiss. “Whatever we fucking want,” she agreed.

Hange was thirty-five years old, and she had finally achieved freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to keep to the timelines as closely as possible, from what was given on Wiki (dang if I can remember all the exact years off the top of my head). In the light of Chapter 109 spoilers and Hange’s recent struggles, I kinda glossed over the part where she was commander and facing all the shit situations, because that was kind of hard for me to write. And at the end of it, I just want nice things for Hange (and Levi) because she is the absolute best.
> 
> On one last note: Happy Birthday, Hange!

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve decided to title this collection of Hange/Levihan fics “Dahlia” because according to Google, the flower dahlia symbolises, among others, “standing out from the crowd and following your own unique path”, “staying graceful under pressure, especially in challenging situations”, “drawing upon inner strength to succeed” – which to me, that’s all Hange. Another meaning carried by the dahlia is “commitment to another person or ideal”…which…totally fits Levihan, no?


End file.
